Link to Original Story

It's over: The squirrels win

Posted: Friday, November 11, 2011 3:30 am

In a blatant act of disrespect, the squirrels have upped the ante.

For a decade, I've been driving myself to distraction trying to keep the furry thieves off my bird feeders. I've tried nearly everything.

I've place baffles on my feeder. I've mixed my bird seed with cayenne pepper. I've live-trapped the little devils. I've switched from sunflower to safflower seed. I've pelted them with BB guns and snowballs. All to no avail.

Nearly every time I look out one of my windows, one of the insatiable gluttons is stuffing his/her face at the my expense.

Oh, it hasn't been a total cease fire.

Occasionally, I'll burst through my bedroom door, Super Soaker blazing a torrent of water. I've managed to drench a few of them, although most merely run to a nearby tree and stare at me with a disgusting mixture of disdain and pity.

They've won. They know it. And, yet, they cannot let it go at that.

In recent weeks, the squirrels have called in the Squirrel SEALS. There tactics are shockingly advanced.

Several times in the past month or so, I've come home to find one or more of my feeders lying dismantled on the ground. These are not ordinary feeders. These are devices enclosed in cages designed to keep the squirrels away from the food.

They've outsmarted me and the feeder manufacturers.

The squirrels have taken to walking around the outside of the feeders, causing them to rotate. Amazingly, they've been walking in the right direction, unscrewing the mechanism holding the top of the feeder together.

One particularly devious squirrel not only unscrewed the bracket, he/she carried away the bracket that held the baffle in place.

I ask you, are any of us safe from these roving rodents?

What's worse, the squirrels are now sending in their children to do the dirty work.

The young of the year are small enough to slip through the feeders' protective cages and get at the feeding tubes. Sure, they're innocent-looking little creatures, but they fully understand the gravity of their crimes.

I'll pull into my driveway and see one of those little furry felons sitting inside the cage stuffing his face. A look of panic immediately appears on their face as they scurry wildly for an opening in the cage.

This is clearly a lost generation. They have no sense of decency. They've clearly won the war, but now they've added vandalism to their rap sheets. It's like witnessing a squirrel version of scorched earth.

This may be it. I'm afraid they've broken me. I haven't re-loaded my Super Soaker in weeks.

It's depressing.