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The Answer Sheet
By Valerie Strauss

Education Department changes the music

Elevator music is out at the Department of Education. “Schoolhouse Rock!” is in.

Callers to the department who are put on hold will now hear “Conjunction Junction,” a little ditty on, you guessed it, conjunctions, one of the songs that make up the “Grammar Rock” section of Schoolhouse Rock!

"Fun at the department is back," Deputy Chief of Staff Matthew Yale was quoted as saying by ABC News. "We’re doing everything we can to enhance the culture of the Department of Education. It needs to be a place of innovation and where we’re constantly reminded of our work for students."

The old stuff, he said, “was awful, awful, just awful.”

Schoolhouse Rock, for those who don’t know, is actually a series of animated musical educational films that aired on ABC on Saturday morning for 26 years starting in 1973.

Dozens of subjects including grammar, science, economics, history, mathematics, and civics, are animated and set to song with the hope of making the topics more appealing to kids.

The first episode was called “Three Is a Magic Number,” inaugurating a season of “Multiplication Rock,” part of Schoolhouse Rock. That song was covered by a number of artists, and became known to a somewhat older audience in the movie “School of Rock,” when Jack Black, pretending to be a teacher, sings a version, but uses “9” instead of “3.”

“Conjunction Junction” is one of the series’ most iconic songs, starting:

"Conjunction Junction, what’s your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.....

"Conjunction Junction, what’s their function?
I got "and", "but", and "or",
They’ll get you pretty far."

According to ABC News, Disney, which owns ABC, and, therefore, the rights to Schoolhouse Rock!, agreed after negotiations to allow the department to use Conjunction Junction for free -- but, ABC reported, for a year.

I don’t know if this means that Disney will start charging the federal government for using the songs a year from now.

Some kind of fun!

Now for the catty commentary...

I've made it pretty clear over the past year that I am diametrically opposed to all things coming out of the United States Department of Education.

Why should their choice for "theme music" be any different.

They missed the mark...

Based upon the empirical evidence...reflective of the decisions they have tried to pass off on an unsuspecting, gullible, albiet eager public...decisions NOT SUPPORTED, YEA CONTRADICTED by the few scientific studies conducted in the field...

Well, ...

Click on the link below to hear the music that should play whenever you call the United States Department of Education...(Be sure your speakers are on!)

Hello, you have reached the Department of Education. Could you please hold for one of our represtentatives...

Incidentally...

During an idle moment, I visited the United States Department of Education's website.

It seems that the folks there are NOT HAPPY with the current state of professional development being offered to the incompetent teachers across this great land. As a result, they have embarked upon a new educational film-making project, tailored to the individual states.

Below is the link for Illinois.

In accordance with the current administration's low assessment of the intellectual ability of professional educators, I am taking the liberty of identifying the main participants in the training video.

On the left is the United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan. (I know, I know...this identification was completely unnecessary. Who wouldn't recognize Arne the Duncan? Whenever the headlights, uh, spotlight falls upon our Secretary of Education, his facial expressions speak for themselves.)

In the center is the President of the United States, Barack Obama. (Project directors felt it unseemly for a sitting president to actually participant in a training film. Plus, the President does have a busy schedule...trying to save the economy, save the environment, etc. Therefore, a "stand in" was hired. As with Arne Duncan, identification was probably unnecessary, since his presidential "take charge" demeanor is a dead giveaway. However, the use of a white "stand in" would possibly confuse the viewing audience. Since the Department of Education did not want to delve too deeply into its bribery money (aka Race to the Top Duncan Dollars), the choice of a person of the white persuasion was advisable. The choice of an African American could have presented problems of "acceptability" in various parts of the United States. As for an Hispanic "stand in"? Well, in Arizona, the dude would probably be arrested and deported!)

Finally, on the right, Illinois' own Governor...the Mighty Pat Quinn. (I could go on, but the less said the better.)

Without further ado...