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CAT Tracks for February 10, 2011
A FAIRY TALE |
Okay...
...as is usual in Cairo School District Number One (and in out-lying areas we somehow touch) the following story reads as if it should be a "fairy tale"...a work of fiction...cannot possibly "be for real!"
Unfortunately...
As you have noted (and as I have commented), it is advisable to maintain a sense of humor in dealing with all things CSD #1.
As has been reported in CAT Tracks, the District Central Office a few weeks ago issued mandates to employees to "jump through hoops"...to provide "missing documents" in an effort to update/re-create personnel files. When pressed for an explanation, the only reason provided was that apparently a person or persons unknown...past or present...had misplaced/thrown away documents required by the Regional Office of Education (ROE)...which was scheduled to make its annual audit.
Applicants for employment in Cairo School District Number One (and all other school districts) are required by Illinois statute to obtain physicals, TB tests, and provide certified transcripts of college transcripts...among other things. Applicants are also required to get fingerprinted and subject themselves to a criminal background check. All of this is proper...and must be paid for by the person seeking employment. (Actually, many of the employment requirements are "recent creations", mandated by laws passed over the years. "Dinosaurs" were granted exemption from the new requirements..."grandfatherd in".)
Bottom Line: When you APPLY for a job in CSD #1, you are required to fill out certain forms and perform various tasks...at your personal expense. It's the law!
However, there is another law...
After this initial "application period", employees are NOT to be re-subjected to the aforementioned requirements. In a few instances, the District is allowed a "do over" - like maybe requiring a new physical due to some specific individual circumstance...BUT...the District must PAY for the related costs.
The District has control of the employee personnel files - i.e. employees have no opportunity to access their personnel files without supervision...have no opportunity to remove/destroy documents contained in same. (In short, when Dinosaur Newell sought employment with CSD #1 back in 1969, Dinosaur Newell was required to fill out an application, get a physical and TB test, and submit a certified transcript from SIU to prove his qualifications. TODAY - February 10, 2011 - those documents should still be in my file sitting in the District Central Office!)
I know what you're thinking...
...where's my naptime fairy tale on this blessed day off?
Patience, as they say, is a virtue...
After an unruly herd of CATs beat a path to Madam CAT President's door, she did her duty.
Actually, Madam President had her own requirement...to fill out some form which she had never heard of, much less seen. The form was an "I-9". Guess it could have been worse...could have been a "K-9" form! When Madam President secured a copy of the I-9, she read the directions (one of those "CAT in the Hat" activities.) The directions clearly stated that if a person was hired before 1986 that said person was not required to fill out or file the form. When Madam President brought this to the attention of the appropriate office personnel, she was told..."He wants one from everyone." Hmmm...damn the law..."It's all about what I want! When I say JUMP...yours is not to question 'Why', only to inquire 'How high?'
And THAT, Virginia is why labor unions were born!
Madam President is a good president...
...she contacted the IEA legal department to confirm that the demands made upon CATs - "the running of the CATs" - were improper. Receiving that confirmation, Madam President tried to get Superintendent Swopes to "cease and desist". Not surprisingly, Superintendent Swopes was not impressed.
Also not surprisingly, Madam President was NOT going to allow the rights of CATs to be trampled. Madam President made a trip to our IEA Region 2 office in Carterville and met with a representative of the IEA legal department. Here it was confirmed that the unilateral actions of District (through its agent Superintendent Swopes) was a "change of working conditions" and constituted an Unfair Labor Practice. An initial deposition was taken and an official request for IEA legal services was filed. Yet another ULP committed by CSD #1. As Robbers All are so fond of saying..."CHA-CHING!" (BTW...that's why YOU pay union dues...that's the bang you get for your buck! We don't have to pass the CAT hat...we get better lawyers for one "everyday low price".)
On Tuesday, February 8, 2011, Madam President delivered a letter to Superintendent Swopes (with a "cc" to the members of the Board of Education to make sure they are aware of the impending legal proceedings.) The letter "informs" the District that it has once again erred. Since it is NOT in CAT's best interest to sit back and watch the District throw away more taxpayer dollars on losing legal cases, the Association is offering "a way out" of this latest mess...to cease and desist in requiring documents and/or actions by employees who were hired prior to various mandates AND to reimburse employees for their time, mileage, and costs in complying with the improper/illegal mandates by the Superintendent. Yes...it will cost the District money, but it will be far cheaper than to fight yet another losing legal battle. (See James Gibson vs. CSD #1, Lorenzo Nelson vs. CSD #1, etc.)
In her letter, Madam President gave the District a week to respond...to accept the "remedy", or not.
Stay tuned!
Oh, and in the meantime:
Once upon a time...
Okay...one last (I promise) digression.
BACKGROUND: The story below is based upon FACT. Apparently, some employees who were required to make the trip to the ROE to be fingerprinted ran into "technical difficulties" and were required to make a return engagement. During the "first attempt" by one employee, a comment was made about the employee being too short. Thus was born...a sequel to the classic story of "The Three Bears".
One final disclaimer...
When I submitted an outline of the story below to reviewers, one decided to play "casting director"...strongly suggesting that Madam President was a slam-dunk for the role of "GoldiCAT". I had to agree...
Unfortunately, in our (destined to be a new) classic, there has been a total reversal of roles of "Goldilocks" and "The Three Bears/CATs". As you know, in the original fairy tale the bears were the "authority figure", with Goldilocks playing the role of interloper. To "freshen" the story, our sequel casts the Superintendent of Schools (the natural authority figure) in the "solo role" and the various three categories of CATs (whose respective heights determined their success in complying with the District's re-fingerprinting directive) the "multi-lopers".
So...
Without further ado...
The Story of Leotis and the Three CATs
Once upon a time,
Oops!
Wrong damn fairy tale! Old folks should NOT digress...short term memory can be such a "B"...
Once upon a time, there was a school superintendent named Leotis. He went for a walk through his office. Pretty soon, he came upon the personnel files. He looked and, when he did not find criminal background checks, he wrote a missive..."Attention all CATS. You are hereby summoned...to submit to pawprinting!"
Putting aside their natural feline dispositions, the CATs reported to the Central Office as ordered.
At the table in the break room, there were forms for pawprinting.
When the first feline stepped forward to be printed, Leotis reached for her paw.
"This CAT is too short!" he exclaimed.
Leotis suspended the CAT without pay and called "NEXT!"
The next feline stepped forward and timidly presented her paw to Leotis.
"This CAT is too tall," he said
Leotis fired this CAT right on the spot.
The last feline closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and stepped forward. Leotis took the offered paw and sighed...
"Ahhh, this CAT is just right."
As her reward, Leotis allowed the "just right" CAT to return to work...
...where she found that her room assignment had been changed to the cafeteria...
...and that she was now responsible for teaching not only her students, but the students of the suspended and fired CATs as well.
Just then, the "just right" CAT woke up from her daydream. She screamed, "Help!" And she jumped up and ran out of the classroom. The "just right" CAT ran down the hall, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And she never returned to Cairo School District Number One.
THE END
Okay, okay...I guess I should go ahead and make it official, add the standard closing line, although it seems so redundant under the circumstances:
And...
CAT Tracks Editor's Note:
There is one remaining question...
...what category to apply to my sequel to "The Three Bears"?
Should I submit it as a "Fractured Fairy Tale"?
My original catty thought was to label it a "Grim Fairy Tale"...a natural since it had to do with Cairo School District Number One. However, what with trademarking and copyright laws, I fear repercussions from the representatives of the Brothers Grimm!
Whatcha think?
there was a school superintendent named Leotis. He went for a walk into Debbie's office at the Central Office to look at personnel files. When he saw that there were no pawprint cards to be found, well, he Huffed and he puffed...
She lived happily ever after.
