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CAT Tracks for June 30, 2011
SEARCHING FOR A SIGN |
...to replace the "No Golfing Allowed on School Property" sign.
I mean...
...the person to whom that sign was directed is gone.
No, no, no...I'm not talking about "former" Cairo Superintendent of Schools Leotis Swopes. He's still here...uh, well...he's supposed to be here. June 30th is supposed to be his last day of work. Then, again, Leotis never was one to adhere to a schedule...unless it was "Tee Time".
No. When I mentioned "gone", I was talking about the Cairoite whose errant golfing exploits led to the posting of the "No Golfing" sign years ago.
As for "former" Superintendent Swopes...
...well, he blatantly ignored the "No Golfing" sign anyway, terrorizing as he did innocent passers-by.
In short...
..."No Golfing" is a sign whose time has passed.
But...
...a pole without a sign.
You've heard: "Nature abhors a vacuum"...
...gotta have a sign!
Since completing my latest movie and while considering offers for a sequel, I've been doing my research...and have arrived at three possibilities as a replacement sign.
Rather than make an arbitrary, unilateral decision (like the superintendent would), I thought it would be best to put the replacement sign to a vote.
So...
Below are the nominees, labeled "Sign A", "Sign B", and "Sign C" for convenient voting. (Accompanying each nominee is a short descriptor of "Why?" that sign emerged from the pack of literally thousands of choices.)
CAT Tracks Editor's Note:
After reviewing the choices, simply send me a text at 555-1776 containing the letter A, B, or C. The voting deadline is midnight July 15th. This will provide me with ample time to have the winning sign produced and in place prior to the arrival of CSD #1's "new" Interim Superintendent, Leotis Swopes.
Okay...
...the nominees are:
Sign A:
The rationale behind this choice was that the sign should be something plain, simple, and dignified.
Sign B:
The rationale behind this choice was that the sign should be scary as, well, HELL...to ward off innocents before they suffer our fate.
Sign C:
The rationale behind this choice was that the sign is to be located in a school zone...where children will be present. It goes for the "Awwwwww..." factor, to attract the attention of children, who will then point the sign out to adults...who can read, understand, grab up their children, and RUN LIKE HELL!!!
One other item is on my busy agenda...
In my minutes of Monday's BOE/FOP meetings, I reported that plans were afoot to close the District's Central Office and relocate it to the CJSHS campus. This move would render the CJSHS Marquee obsolete and in need of replacement.
Well, you know me...more wee-hour research, to find something suitable.
Two thoughts drove my selection:
So...
...with those two thoughts in mind, my research produced a quick and clear choice for the new Cairo School District Number One marquee to replace the old CJSHS one...
SIGH...
I have tried for several days to find a way to avoid this final, embarrassing topic.
The recent "picture controversy" which led to the resignation of United States Congressman Anthony Weiner and yesterday morning's story about Republican Presidential Candidate Michelle Bachmann (Nixon and Watergate; Clinton and Monica) all remind us that, although maybe trite..."honesty is the best policy".
So...
Now that I am a famous movie director, people are coming forward and saying that they have seen a picture of me on the Internet. I have tried to ignore the accusations, dodge the questions.
However...
...there is one picture "out there" than I truly cannot deny.
I'd like to scream "right to privacy", but I've seen enough tabloid pictures and related news stories to know that celebrities have no protection from the prying eyes and cameras of the Paparazzi.
I mean...
At the conclusion of last Friday night's Cairo Board of Education meeting, I was able to maintain my composure...my "game face". Despite shaky paws, I was able to drive home. Upon entering my house, I collapsed...gasping for breath. I ripped my clothes off in an attempt to improve respiration and circulation. But, I still felt an overwhelming need of fresh air. So, butt naked...I ran through the house, out the back door, and down the steps to the privacy of my own dark, airy back yard...SAFE AT LAST!
Unfortunately, at the peak of my despair I totally forgot about lofty perches, telephoto lenses, and night-vision technology.
DAMN...
Yes, I could quibble, I could deny, but, truth is...the picture below may well be me. Best to let the cat out of the bag, so to speak...rather than be exposed as a liar in days to come.
Nooooooooooooooooo!!!
The picture below is NOT a nominee for "replacement sign"...
...instead, it is a SIGN that when all else fails, and when one is stripped of the last vestige of hope...
...there is only one place left to turn:
Let us pray...
